Hiya, hope all’s well. Robert Caudle, one of the Zen practitioners who joined with us on sesshin (Zen Retreat) in Anam Cara in the Scottish Highlands wanted to share this with you. When I read it, I was moved by Robert’s openness and straightforwardness. See what you think.

                                                                              Cheers  Daizan

Dear Inspired Seeker,

How do I know I can call you that?

Easy, if you have had the patience to find this page on the InterWebb (as Dawn French calls it!)

I know you are both a seeker and inspired, or just maybe a bored internet surfer.

But let me tell you, you have stumbled on something Rare & Priceless.

Rare & Priceless ??

Available online???

Most people would expect to find these words on some internet shopping site or maybe a site promoting exotic foreign destinations.

What if that something Rare & Priceless was just a state of Mind? Or a way of being if you will??

Still reading? Still interested??

The state of being that I am talking about is the state of being we all want after that exotic foreign holiday. I am talking chilled, relaxed but alert with a new enthusiasm for your ordinary life at home, that’s what we all want.

But what we get is Jet lag, lost bags, hassle and perhaps a brief glow that disappears the first day back in the office…

What If, Just what If ? That state of mind, that state of being was available to you in the UK ? Scotland to be exact?? Doesn’t seem possible does it ?, how could you possibly hope to find that???

Welcome!! You are at the place I was at in Summer 2008.

I want to make this personal for you to enable you to see where I am coming from and why I would choose take a `holiday` in Scotland in the late summer.

(for `holiday` please read :- Dynamic Zen Retreat )

For it certainly was not like any holiday or retreat that I have ever taken, it was most certainly dynamic in all senses of the word, but the Zen bit??

 Well that is hard to qualify, as anyone will tell you, but I am up to talk about how I got to be there and what I experienced and what I got out of the time there……

I am Robert, 55 working for an international company for more than 30 years. Well used to managing staff, meeting sales targets, you know the kind of pressured life many of us find ourselves living these days. Working mindlessly at the day job feeling like I am living only at the weekends or on the few, brief precious holidays.

From an outsiders point of view my life was better than OK. Most of the benefits and perks of the democratic capitalist meritocracy we live in had come to me relatively easily but I had always felt that striving for the next gadget, car, house or trip wasn’t really the answer for me. Somehow I was always the consumer that was never satisfied……

I had been born a Christian, true blue Church of England. St Marys primary followed by Christs College. But I didn’t feel any more or less Christian at the end my education. I felt very much a part of the secular society but not really a very happy part.

Being born just a little too late to be a `real` hippy, my form of teenage rebellion was to travel to seek my thrills. Not too difficult for my parents you might think compared with teenagers nowadays, but I am talking about a time before email, texts or even mobile phones, probably not great for them being out of touch for months, but I thought I had found freedom, or at least the chance to look for it…..

I had found myself doing the gap year thing as it is called now. After Buddhist Temples in Ceylon, as it was then, hiking in the mountains of Korea and conscious raising groups in California I started my adulthood with an burgeoning interest in Buddhism.

Fine you might think, a fine religion or way of life with noble tenets.

An interest in Buddhism ? No problem there then??

Trouble was that for the next 30 years that is exactly where I stayed, someone with an interest in Buddhism. Keen but not committed, to mix metaphors I was an armchair Buddhist sitting on the fence.

Somehow in all my reading I hadn’t fully grasped that I had to actually DO SOMETHING.

It was a bit like I was reading about how to swim or how to ride a bike or how to have sex. I think we all know reading about these or many of the really enjoyable things in life is not at all the same as actually DOING them??

If fact we all know people who are quite skilled at all of the above without reading about them at ALL!!

The time had come, as the Font Of All Wisdom (my mom) would say:- It was time to shit or get off the pot!!

Actually for me a pot was what I needed. I found myself in the year of the Twin Towers attacks brought to my lowest ebb by the pressure of work, relationship problems and house moving. Basically I had an `unpredicatable` stomach on and off shingles and persistent migraines and psoriasis. Not a nice combination……..

My lovely patient doctor, after prescribing everything from Imodium to E45 cream said :-

`You know I could be prescribing these for the rest of your life if you don’t get a handle on this stress!`

This wise doc recommended yoga and/or meditation.

Meditation, Oh Yes!

I had heard of that, I had read all about it but I had tried it and not much had happened and my legs hurt.

But yoga, that sounded fun and it was fashionable too. I could say I was doing yoga and sound fairly Kool, but Buddhist Meditation now that could sound sort of geeky….

So it was at this (late) juncture in my life that I discovered yoga. Within a couple of weeks all of my symptoms had vanished! And I didn’t even need to meditate!!! So as I was doing so well I thought I can just forget (again) about meditating and Buddhism.

It was in this period after resolving all my stress related symptoms that I found myself come out of my house to mount my trusty cycle to work and I found myself in a different world. I felt quite happy for no reason that I could see, even at peace enough with myself to greet the dustmen at my door warmly and mean it!!! Everything was all of a sudden wonderful and miraculously satisfying but in a quiet and easy way. Even more strangely later in he day I had to deliver a speech to a crowded room full of colleagues but I felt quite calm and when I stood to speak I found I didn’t much need to refer to my notes and my body felt like it didn’t exist, I was sort of weightless and free all I could feel me talking and making good sense.

What was this all about????

These feelings began to fade after a couple of days but I always had this feeling that what I had experienced wasn’t something extraordinary but just that I was in a different state of mind and different way of being me. I couldn’t work out what had happened as all of my life and circumstances were the same it was just me that was different……

Some people might have called this a religious experience, a revelation; I didn’t know what to call it. I was reluctant to talk to anyone about it in case they put it down to a yogic rush of kundalini.

Years later I did mention it to a committed Buddhist girlfriend who has written books and lectured on Buddhism around the world. She quite calmly said `Oh you had an epiphany, what the Buddhists call a kensho experience. I have been meditating for 35years looking for one of those!!!!!!` But at the same time she didn’t make a big deal of it and we just returned to enjoying our meal together.

In some ways I was now more perplexed than ever. Did I have a religious experience? Did I have a kensho? What was a kensho? Would I have another one? Is this what Buddhists are meditating for?

Do they have these kinds of experiences? Are these experiences real or relevant or just a passing `High` ?

So when I returned home I started to reread some of my Buddhist literature. What was this kensho anyway? Suddenly some of the Zen poetry and even some of the text books began to take on some life. I was getting sort of glimpses of what these Zen authors were talking about.

I wasn’t interested in any epiphany, it sounded too Christianlike too much like a religious conversion but this Zen, maybe there was something there for me, something more than I had read about before.

I eventually came to think that what I had experienced was a glimpse, a snapshot of enlightenment maybe. It was just ordinary life, just working, shopping eating but it was more personal more `real` than I had experienced it before. I had a peek at the description of Zen :-

`Before Zen I was chopping wood and carrying water, after Zen I was chopping wood and carrying water.`

Some more reading led me to think I now might know what Osho was talking about in his book `Ah this!` then I reread Alan Watts who says `It starts with Yoga and ends with Zen`.

Trouble was the Manchester girlfriend only knew about Tibetan Buddhism and was not remotely interested in Zen, `Too much sitting` she warned me……

I however was not attracted to Tibetan Buddhism, I loved all the Thanka`s all the Deities, the Green Goddess Tara I loved the look of it, but it felt to exotic, too foreign for me. As Alan Watts said, `Tibetan Buddhism is Catholicism on Acid! ` There were just too many images and strange customs for me to take in…..

I was however attracted strongly to Zen but was cautious about mentioning my preference to the Manchester girlfriend. But when I did broach the subject again she just said `Oh, of course you should go with whatever you feel drawn towards, there are many roads to the same destination!!`

Follow my feelings?

Me ??

Go with my intuition ? What??? !!!

A middle aged man with responsibilities? No way!!

So I read yet MORE about Zen whilst starting a half hearted meditation practise after my yoga sessions.

You know, it did make me feel calm and I liked it, bit I wasn’t sure where it was leading and my yoga teachers were just yoga teachers, not masters of meditation.

I had read somewhere in my haze of Buddhist reading that `when One is ready a teacher will appear`

So I was finally ( at 55) ready, where was he or she??

I had also read that one should look beyond the personality of the Teacher and just follow his/her teachings.

Huh??

I knew for sure I didn’t want some stuffy old Roshi (Zen Teacher) barking at me and maybe even hitting me with that keisaku (a Zen stick thing, you don’t want to know at this point!)

I wanted an approachable, affable, western wise guide to my new spirituality and a sense of humour would be a plus!! Thinking about it looks like I am filling in a wish list to meet a partner on the Match.Com website!!!

But where will I find the Roshi who is meant to appear??

Go to Japan? Ugh all that jet lag….

Ask my mates? Yeah right, They don’t know….

Search the Internet??? That’s a good idea, I can even pretend to work while I surf…..

Hmmmmm but where???

WWW.ROSHI FOR U . COM maybe??

But by hook or by click, there I was and here you are at Zenways website.

So Dear Seeker, we converge, we have arrived at the same place in our lives, the same site,the same Roshi.

You have probably read his Blog now so I can just recap and let you know where my journey went from this same point.

The Roshi I have come to know is Julian Daizan Skinner and he is everything one wants when one `shops` for a Roshi.

My Zen books say `One should observe a Roshi closely to see if he/she can be trusted with one`s spiritual welfare`

Well in his DYNAMIC ZEN RETREAT at Aman Cara near Inverness Scotland this August 2008 I got finally to meet Roshi Daizan. The billing said that there would also be yoga and work with my hara (just my energy centre, don’t worry!)

I decided even if I didn’t like the Zen I could pretend that it was a yoga retreat!! I told everyone I was going on a yoga retreat, just in case it wasn’t dynamic and nothing much happened!!

Let me tell you I was impressed from the off. I passed him enroute from Inverness train station, me in my taxi, Daizan hiking up the steep hill. Later he let slip that he had discovered Anam Cara on one of his many walks, this one a walk from The Isle of Wight to the north tip of Scotland.

WOW!! This was no crusty old Roshi moribund in his lotus position, this was a vital spunky Roshi with balls and a keen sense of Joie de Vivre (French:- Love of Life, A Joy in everything)

I had no doubt this was someone I could relate to and trust. I was on board, we were sailing and I had got my Captain sorted!!!

What can I tell you about the experience of Anam Cara??

I don’t want to tell all, as it is an experience, and everyone’s experience is unique and individual to themselves.

The place Anan Cara is quite New Agey in a lovely way, refreshing and with pretty views and very congenial hosts Alistair and Twobirds. The food is varied veggie and plentiful they cook it for you and you get to wash up, don’t worry this is as you will find it mindful Zen practice and even I got to quickly appreciate how this could be true mediatation…

 There were about 15 people in the group, guys and girls, young and not so young (me!) All, from varied backgrounds: Ballet, Nursing, would-be Yoga teachers, professional writer and a West End croupier. We all got on, as Daizan said the first day we would get to know these people better than our families and lovers. He didn’t exaggerate, we did too. He also rashly promised that our families and colleagues would wonder what had happened to us in Anam Cara, they would know it was something good by our shining faces!!!

There was a lot of mediation, but even as a Meditation Virgin I managed, you settle into a routine and it becomes easier and easier. Daizan kept up a brisk pace there was lots to learn and practise broken up with Kinhin ( walking Zen) yoga and Zen lectures.

We worked hard with ourselves, in groups, and in pairs we broached the conundrums that are Koans, and we did Samu (volunteer work, mine was picking berries and stripping willow!)

We had real-life drama, things came out, there was laughter, tears (from me!) sadness, reflection quiet times and introspection. But Daizan had the Score, he was like the conductor of an orchestra but he was not playing us like instruments, he was showing us how we can find and listen to our own music.

He urged us `Not to waste a single precious moment` and we all knew instinctively what he meant and we didn’t waste any of the time there.

Daizan brought us to the last day which I can only describe as pure joy, we were to a man/woman ecstatic, happy, laughing wondering in nature and writing poetry (yes me! After the tears!)

What is the reality of life after Aman Cara?? I came out to my nearest and dearest and admitted to going on a geeky Zen retreat, they took it well.

I got back to work, back to my family and they really did say, “Robert you are not yourself, you have changed, you look 10 years younger and you are very outspoken and impetuous”. ( I had been playing on the floor with friends and talking to strangers on the street…..)

 Did I attain the Supreme Enlightenment up there in Scotland??

No I didn’t, but I did definitely had a good taste of what it could be like, I was lightened and brightened, more me in a way, a little kensho. Somehow Me & Daizan conjured that up!

Our little band from Scotland has charmingly stayed in touch, some of us lucky enough to be able to attend Daizan’s taichi, yoga and zazen sessions in London. The Jewish ones call him, rightly so, a Mensche (real strong dependable man) the street wise ones say `He walks the talk`

Daizan, ever the optimist, always the finder of the best in his students said, when I told him of all my wondrous experiences in Scotland and at back home :-

`You have just poked a small finger through the Shoji screen !!! ( Japanese paper room partition)

“I want you to TEAR IT DOWN !!!!”

 (said quite Loudly!)

I want to let YOU know I am working with Daizan to tear that screen down.

Final, final, final note…….

One of my Zen books says:-

Zen is like a Finger Pointing at the Moon.

Well, I want to see my Moon and the finger of Zen pointing for me is firmly attached to Daizan, I have gone somewhat mindlessly through the last 55 years and as Daizan says, I really don’t want to waste a precious moment.

     Over to you. We’re back at Anam Cara on Zen retreat, the last week of August 2009. Get in touch with daizan@london.com  if you’re interested in experiencing what we do. There are only fifteen places so you probably want to do it now. Also if you want to experience a dream come true trip to Japan. I’m taking a group over for two weeks starting May 11th. You’ll be staying in a beautiful and ancient Zen temple in the mountains. There will be a sesshin (weeklong Zen retreat) led by myself and my teacher Shinzan Roshi (possibly the last chance to study with him as he’s in his mid-seventies now and planning for retirement). In the second week there will be a chance for solitary retreats at special ancient power spots in the mountains, pluse the chance to visit some of the most amazing a beautiful Zen temples in the world. Places are even more limited for this one so get in touch if you want to book a place.

     Finally, every sunday afternoon, 3-6pm you can study Zen and yoga with me in Earls Court London. When you arrive at Earls Court tube station call 07904319952 and I’ll come and get you in to our venue.

                                                    Have a great week, Cheers  Daizan

Hiya, just a note to let you know that I’m looking into organising a yoga teacher training course over two weeks next spring or early summer. Zenways Yoga is accredited under the worldwide standards body, the Yoga Alliance, so the two hundred hour certificate we issue is valid and accepted internationally. The course covers meditation, breathwork, philosophy and posturework, as well as the actual techniques of teaching. While the heart of Zenways Yoga is the yoga practice carried out in Zen monasteries, I’ve also studied in India and China and incorporated many beneficial things along the way. Speaking personally, yoga teacher training has not only benefitted me physically and spiritually, but it has been a wonderful thing to share with others and a means of livelihood that is very compatible with spritual practice.

     If you’re considering training as a yoga teacher, one point I always emphasise is, you don’t have to be the most flexible person in the room to be able to give a good class. There are times when you won’t be and that’s just fine. I teach you how to deal with the situation. Email me if you’re interested in training with Zenways, and I’ll keep you posted on dates.

      Wishing you all good things.

                          More later   D

Hiya, just a quick note to let you know that I’m doing a talk on Zen in Japan at the London Buddhist Society, 58 Eccleston Square, behind Victoria Station on wednesday September 10th at 6.30pm. The talk is scheduled to last an hour or so and is free.

                See you there,      Cheers D